I LOVE your thank-you notes, Tara! Please accept my thank-you note to my ex-fiancé:
Thank you, J, for reminding me of the importance of owning our own mental health journeys. When you said you didn’t need to continue to see a therapist for your newly diagnosed condition because I could be your therapist, I knew it was time to part ways. No, I will not offer free therapy (I am NOT qualified for this!) nor will I emotionally rehab one more man.
And fun fact, tomorrow will be 7 years since I called it quits! And I shall celebrate with my lady harem over brunch 🥰
YAY! So excited for you and your Lady Harem. Hope you had a fantastic gathering. Also: I once had a friend who said hanging out with me was like having a therapist 24/7...always the last thing you want to hear :)
Thank you, V, for giving me a child but also giving me many, many life lessons. Thank you for showing me what I didn’t want for myself or my daughter. Thank you for teaching me to stop being so naive and maybe believe someone when they show you how awful they are.
Thank you to an ex Scott who I offered friendship when he was in the most down and out place. ONLY friendship and a therapist. Who then invited me on a trip (saying it would not cost me more than $500 to go to a resort where his friends were staying. My initial reaction was no, but then 2nd guessed. why not, I’d never been to Arizona), but once there he proceeded to try and slide me back into girl friend status including pawing me in front of his friends; not listening when I said to STOP; making grand gestures of paying for extravagant group dinners…meanwhile splitting the check with me once back at the airport when returning home; repeatedly trying to kiss me..and more and culminating picking the lock on a closed bathroom door the last night and bursting in to “brush his teeth when I’d locked it as I wanted to change in privacy. I broke off all contact with him once I got home and he couldn’t understand why. I said not only did you renig on your promise (only going as friends) but consistently and persistently ignored the promise of “no pressure” and listening when I said to STOP. I COULD NOT WAIT TO GET HOME. And forever and firmly closed that door.!!! I never realized how narcissistic he was and how scary it got. Never again.
Thank you Chris for showing me how resilient I am. Thank you for showing me that I count on myself, even when others tell me otherwise. Thank you for the group of friends you introduced me to, before you left for good. And most of all, thank you for teaching me that suicide is never the answer. Thank you for putting me in an impossibly vulnerable position where my tribe could show up and love on me when I couldn't love on myself. Thanks for the uncommon lesson on surviving someone's suicide. I am stronger today because of it.
thx for the love TS. Saw your talk at the CA Conference for Women last year & loved your topic & bought your GLOW book. Love your work. Thanks for doing it.
this was a fun read, and I love the seussian affect.
Thank you to James who showed me that I absolutely never ever ever want to be in a relationship with an alcoholic despite how charming and smart he was, thank you Eric. He lied about himself on the first date, and the lie kept showing up over and over despite his trying to camouflage. Thank you what’s-your-name for love bombing me, and then treating me horribly when I believed you, and thank you, David, who, despite a truly kind demeanor had no emotional access.
Saying zero thank you’s to the men of my past and giving all the praise to the man who just bought me stargazer lilies for Valentine’s Day after seeing me reading your book earlier this week and told me, “You don’t have to buy yourself the fucking lilies.” 🥹😭😍💐💝
This is an opinion that seems to go against what most people believe, but I actually don't think a bad relationship is something to learn from or be grateful for. A person isn't a learning experience. To me, relationships that don't work out just teach you that that particular person isn't right for you. And frankly, some relationships are nothing more than wastes of time- and I say this as a generally optimistic person.
I totally agree a person isn't a lesson. But isn't learning someone isn't for you, indeed a lesson? I also agree that sometimes a relationship can just be a total waste of time. Both and situation for me. I definitely wrote this as tongue and cheek! I'm SO happy you brought your opinion - I want all of them! Not necessarily just the ones that agree with me :) Thanks for being here
Thank you, Atticus, for being my first love and for ghosting me after I told you I loved you but then crying 6 months later, asking for me to accept you again. Thank you for ignoring my wishes and making the choice on your own that we were going to take each others virginity bc its not like I had plans to do something special with it anyway... Thanks for being vapid and egocentric and explicitly invested in your own ambitions and self interests and for pressuring me to have sex once again, as that was the final straw for me. You taught me that it's important to invest in yourself before others, that if something doesn't work out the first time its probably not going to be better on the second try, and that not everyone is going to respects or care about my boundaries.
Thanks Luke for being so gentle and so lacking introspection. You are still somehow the only guy I've dated who's political ideology is so similar to my own -better informed, even -and yet couldn't expand on his own emotional state beyond 'I'm tired'. Living with you in your parents house during the pandemic was a true masterclass in insolation, especially your skill in ignoring someone who sleeps right next to you. You taught me so much, inspired me to be a more critical thinker, added richness to my sense of humor, expanded my musical repertoire, and showed me the beauty of some people's minds who aren't cursed with overthinking literally everything. I carry all of that with me and am better for having loved you.
Thank you Tim for trying to show me what clear communication looks like, how to live happily with so little, and for being the most creative, demanding and gratifying sexual partner I've ever had. It was beautiful to see you so content with the life you've made for yourself and I valued your perspective so much even if I disagreed with it. You demonstrated respect, integrity, and strong work ethic in the most beautiful ways, and stood by your opinions loudly no mater how harsh or heavily based they were off of something you saw on YouTube. It's in part because of you that I am more inclined to stand up for what I believe in, call out bullshit by name, and ask the boys thereafter to be my daddy.
Thank you Mark for using your position and authority to try to "open my mind, body, and soul". You were so generous and persistent and - even though it didn't go anywhere and a lot of it was unreciprocated, unprofessional, coercive, manipulative - I appreciate all that you gave me that I was able to use. My best to the your wife and kids.
God thank you Brandon for feeding me a steady diet of "I love you"s, love songs, and affirming gestures, and then watching me starve nearly to death. Thank you for saying one thing and then acting so consistently the opposite because you taught me that people don't always mean what they say. And then thank you again for accusing me of wanting to leaving you or otherwise gaslighting me to disbelieve my own intuition and observations to the point that I almost couldn't breath for myself; you taught me the dangers of falling into another person and what it feels like when a fraction of my soul dies after each little act of abandoning myself. You gave me many wonderful experiences and also some of the most isolating, desperate year of my life. I'm still working through it all and I still love you, which might always ache, but I am in profound awe of how much love I can hold, regardless of sense and conditionality.
Thanks Mike for negging me so relentlessly that I have finally stopped feeling bad about saying no or rejecting someone's advances (many many years in the making!) You have beautiful eyes and I admire the simplicity of your life but I love you like a friend and the fact that you can't appreciate that makes me even more glad our relationship isn't more complicated. I am here next to the river if you ever want a friend but otherwise I wish you peace.
Thank you Bruce who was constantly tellinig me I hate sex. Well I hated sex with you. And OMG you were the worst kisser ever, so no hot gateway to sex via your unsexy lips. Over and over it was all about the sex. He is now 84 and still pointing to sex as what is/was our demise. I always loved sex and have had mind blowing men in bed. Even now at 84 it's the sex for him. This is the revolving door conversation. Also he is a Trump FAN. I will say that fun was had just not sex or in my defense we met during Obama. And I am not 84!
I have over 100 thank you notes, but I don’t thank them. Mine are, I hope, funny and cautionary. “Dating Dinosaurs-A Memoir “ 🦕 Thank you for making my Valentine’s Day.
Thank you to all the self help books out there and all the people that share there journey. I've had a rough 25 years that only got harder but maturity and self care has made that last 10 years of drama so much easier to get thru. Giving back your knowledge really does feel like a weight lifted off your shoulders. Thank you to everyone in my life, I've learned valuable lessons from you all❤️❤️
I LOVE your thank-you notes, Tara! Please accept my thank-you note to my ex-fiancé:
Thank you, J, for reminding me of the importance of owning our own mental health journeys. When you said you didn’t need to continue to see a therapist for your newly diagnosed condition because I could be your therapist, I knew it was time to part ways. No, I will not offer free therapy (I am NOT qualified for this!) nor will I emotionally rehab one more man.
And fun fact, tomorrow will be 7 years since I called it quits! And I shall celebrate with my lady harem over brunch 🥰
Happy Valentine’s Day! 💗
YAY! So excited for you and your Lady Harem. Hope you had a fantastic gathering. Also: I once had a friend who said hanging out with me was like having a therapist 24/7...always the last thing you want to hear :)
Oooh I looove this.
Thank you, V, for giving me a child but also giving me many, many life lessons. Thank you for showing me what I didn’t want for myself or my daughter. Thank you for teaching me to stop being so naive and maybe believe someone when they show you how awful they are.
Believe them the first time!!! Grateful you shared this lesson with us all!
Thank you to an ex Scott who I offered friendship when he was in the most down and out place. ONLY friendship and a therapist. Who then invited me on a trip (saying it would not cost me more than $500 to go to a resort where his friends were staying. My initial reaction was no, but then 2nd guessed. why not, I’d never been to Arizona), but once there he proceeded to try and slide me back into girl friend status including pawing me in front of his friends; not listening when I said to STOP; making grand gestures of paying for extravagant group dinners…meanwhile splitting the check with me once back at the airport when returning home; repeatedly trying to kiss me..and more and culminating picking the lock on a closed bathroom door the last night and bursting in to “brush his teeth when I’d locked it as I wanted to change in privacy. I broke off all contact with him once I got home and he couldn’t understand why. I said not only did you renig on your promise (only going as friends) but consistently and persistently ignored the promise of “no pressure” and listening when I said to STOP. I COULD NOT WAIT TO GET HOME. And forever and firmly closed that door.!!! I never realized how narcissistic he was and how scary it got. Never again.
So proud of you, Sheila! You've made MANY healthy decisions - even when it was hard. That takes grit.
❤️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻I used every tool at my disposal until I got home.:)
(TW - suicide)
Thank you Chris for showing me how resilient I am. Thank you for showing me that I count on myself, even when others tell me otherwise. Thank you for the group of friends you introduced me to, before you left for good. And most of all, thank you for teaching me that suicide is never the answer. Thank you for putting me in an impossibly vulnerable position where my tribe could show up and love on me when I couldn't love on myself. Thanks for the uncommon lesson on surviving someone's suicide. I am stronger today because of it.
I'm so sorry for what you went through and so f*cking glad it turned you into the person you are today - glowing with stardust.
thx for the love TS. Saw your talk at the CA Conference for Women last year & loved your topic & bought your GLOW book. Love your work. Thanks for doing it.
What if I'm afraid to open up those old wounds? You wrote your letters in such a positive way
I promise that whatever is in your head will feel better on paper. You start to see - it's not so scary, you can organize and contain it!
You truly are the best gal pal! I feel like I can come to you with anything 🥹
this was a fun read, and I love the seussian affect.
Thank you to James who showed me that I absolutely never ever ever want to be in a relationship with an alcoholic despite how charming and smart he was, thank you Eric. He lied about himself on the first date, and the lie kept showing up over and over despite his trying to camouflage. Thank you what’s-your-name for love bombing me, and then treating me horribly when I believed you, and thank you, David, who, despite a truly kind demeanor had no emotional access.
the love bombing is REAL. wtf? why? so unnecessary. thank YOU, Stacey for sharing your wisdom!
Saying zero thank you’s to the men of my past and giving all the praise to the man who just bought me stargazer lilies for Valentine’s Day after seeing me reading your book earlier this week and told me, “You don’t have to buy yourself the fucking lilies.” 🥹😭😍💐💝
AWWW LOVE THIS! You can always buy yourself the f*cking lilies AND it's wonderful when someone buys them for you too! xo
This is an opinion that seems to go against what most people believe, but I actually don't think a bad relationship is something to learn from or be grateful for. A person isn't a learning experience. To me, relationships that don't work out just teach you that that particular person isn't right for you. And frankly, some relationships are nothing more than wastes of time- and I say this as a generally optimistic person.
I totally agree a person isn't a lesson. But isn't learning someone isn't for you, indeed a lesson? I also agree that sometimes a relationship can just be a total waste of time. Both and situation for me. I definitely wrote this as tongue and cheek! I'm SO happy you brought your opinion - I want all of them! Not necessarily just the ones that agree with me :) Thanks for being here
Thank you, Atticus, for being my first love and for ghosting me after I told you I loved you but then crying 6 months later, asking for me to accept you again. Thank you for ignoring my wishes and making the choice on your own that we were going to take each others virginity bc its not like I had plans to do something special with it anyway... Thanks for being vapid and egocentric and explicitly invested in your own ambitions and self interests and for pressuring me to have sex once again, as that was the final straw for me. You taught me that it's important to invest in yourself before others, that if something doesn't work out the first time its probably not going to be better on the second try, and that not everyone is going to respects or care about my boundaries.
Thanks Luke for being so gentle and so lacking introspection. You are still somehow the only guy I've dated who's political ideology is so similar to my own -better informed, even -and yet couldn't expand on his own emotional state beyond 'I'm tired'. Living with you in your parents house during the pandemic was a true masterclass in insolation, especially your skill in ignoring someone who sleeps right next to you. You taught me so much, inspired me to be a more critical thinker, added richness to my sense of humor, expanded my musical repertoire, and showed me the beauty of some people's minds who aren't cursed with overthinking literally everything. I carry all of that with me and am better for having loved you.
Thank you Tim for trying to show me what clear communication looks like, how to live happily with so little, and for being the most creative, demanding and gratifying sexual partner I've ever had. It was beautiful to see you so content with the life you've made for yourself and I valued your perspective so much even if I disagreed with it. You demonstrated respect, integrity, and strong work ethic in the most beautiful ways, and stood by your opinions loudly no mater how harsh or heavily based they were off of something you saw on YouTube. It's in part because of you that I am more inclined to stand up for what I believe in, call out bullshit by name, and ask the boys thereafter to be my daddy.
Thank you Mark for using your position and authority to try to "open my mind, body, and soul". You were so generous and persistent and - even though it didn't go anywhere and a lot of it was unreciprocated, unprofessional, coercive, manipulative - I appreciate all that you gave me that I was able to use. My best to the your wife and kids.
God thank you Brandon for feeding me a steady diet of "I love you"s, love songs, and affirming gestures, and then watching me starve nearly to death. Thank you for saying one thing and then acting so consistently the opposite because you taught me that people don't always mean what they say. And then thank you again for accusing me of wanting to leaving you or otherwise gaslighting me to disbelieve my own intuition and observations to the point that I almost couldn't breath for myself; you taught me the dangers of falling into another person and what it feels like when a fraction of my soul dies after each little act of abandoning myself. You gave me many wonderful experiences and also some of the most isolating, desperate year of my life. I'm still working through it all and I still love you, which might always ache, but I am in profound awe of how much love I can hold, regardless of sense and conditionality.
Thanks Mike for negging me so relentlessly that I have finally stopped feeling bad about saying no or rejecting someone's advances (many many years in the making!) You have beautiful eyes and I admire the simplicity of your life but I love you like a friend and the fact that you can't appreciate that makes me even more glad our relationship isn't more complicated. I am here next to the river if you ever want a friend but otherwise I wish you peace.
Get it out friend, get it out. Did it feel good to write this? Cus it felt good to read! xoxo thank you for sharing
Thank you Bruce who was constantly tellinig me I hate sex. Well I hated sex with you. And OMG you were the worst kisser ever, so no hot gateway to sex via your unsexy lips. Over and over it was all about the sex. He is now 84 and still pointing to sex as what is/was our demise. I always loved sex and have had mind blowing men in bed. Even now at 84 it's the sex for him. This is the revolving door conversation. Also he is a Trump FAN. I will say that fun was had just not sex or in my defense we met during Obama. And I am not 84!
That's SO ANNOYING!!!!!! I HATE that. Thank you for sharing, Gail!
I have over 100 thank you notes, but I don’t thank them. Mine are, I hope, funny and cautionary. “Dating Dinosaurs-A Memoir “ 🦕 Thank you for making my Valentine’s Day.
Thank you for being here and sharing, Wendy! I'm grateful you showed up and said something :)
Thank you Dominique for telling me I shouldn’t never try stand up comedy because I would just “embarrass myself”
Well I now regularly embarrass myself on stage and get paid for it…
Thank you to all the self help books out there and all the people that share there journey. I've had a rough 25 years that only got harder but maturity and self care has made that last 10 years of drama so much easier to get thru. Giving back your knowledge really does feel like a weight lifted off your shoulders. Thank you to everyone in my life, I've learned valuable lessons from you all❤️❤️