Click below for this week’s Glow Getters podcast episode! You can use it to go deeper into this week’s topic, to have a little company, and maybe even feel inspired. Maybe even all 3!

Hi friends

I can’t believe how hard I’m grieving this break-up. I’m almost embarrassed to continue to tell you about it but I can’t think of how to write to you honestly without mentioning it. Next week I hope to do a post on the fundamentals of journaling – something easy and fun! For the love of Lady God! But this week just ain’t easy nor fun for me.

It’s day 25 since he called me to tell me it was over and it would be a total f*cking lie if I said I hadn’t cried every day since, at least once. I think the reason it hurts so badly is because of how shocking it was – to go from “I love you, let’s plan a two-week trip to Portugal,” to, “It’s over, we can’t discuss it, and there are no second chances.” It made me question reality. If you can be so intimate with someone, and really think you know them, and then they turn around and act with this level of cruelty…can you really know anyone? My whole perception of reality is off kilter.

I would love to push all of this grief down, down, down into the basement of my soul to be dealt with “later, when I can cope” and IMMEDIATELY start bumping Saint Tay Swift’s I Forgot That You Existed. You know what else I’d love to do? Text the boy and see if he wants to talk in the hopes that he will comfort me about betraying me. Maybe he will be the original version of himself and have compassion and give me care!?!? I know it’s delusional but don’t you feel that way sometimes too? That the person who hurt us is suddenly going to say EXACTLY what we want them to say?

But I know that pretending I don’t feel grief or going to the source of my pain for validation are two losing strategies that will just make me suffer. Because I’m in pain right now, but I’m not suffering, ya know? I’m not adding kerosene to the fire raging within. In fact, I know that if I don’t deal with all of my hurt now, it will deal with me eventually, and probably all of my future relationships.

So, I am very intentionally allowing myself to feel exactly how I do feel. I’m being honest with you, my friends, my family; I’m not drinking to numb out; I’m not on dating apps to collect likes and validation. When a very cute boy wanted to make-out with me this week – even though I yearned to be held - I stepped a few feet away from him. I’m making choices in line with my current reality. This is not the time for me to party and hook-up and distract myself from the unpleasant and sometimes overwhelming waves of emotion I am feeling. This is the time to feel how I actually do feel. But what does that EVEN mean? How do you do that?

This Week’s Journal Prompt and Intention: