Ciao bellas!

I write to you from Florence, Italy where I am on a (get this) romantic vacation (!!!) that has given me my GLOW back.

But first, I wanted to remind you to pretty please come to my first ever, “Family Meeting.”

I need you to help decide what my next book is about. We’ll also Live Journal, we’ll chat, we’ll open our damn hearts. Meet folks in this very community!

FULL DISCLOSURE: at the end I’m going to talk about the ways people can work with me including my small coaching group. But this is not a webinar bait and switch sitch. I point that out because I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS TO ME! 

RSVP Here 📱

And on with le newsletter!

What happens when a fiercely independent solo traveler is no longer solo?

I’ve been on many a solo romantic vacation in the past decade: Paris, Rome, Portugal, Bali, you name it, I would never deny it to myself.

Those trips have taught me SO MUCH and led some of my all-time most popular newsletter editions. I’ve learned that having dinner alone in a restaurant is one of the great joys in life that we MUST master, that loneliness while solo traveling is just inevitable and not really a problem, and to always get yourself the f*cking travel treat. DO NOT SKIMP on the camel ride around the Wadi Rum desert.

But this past week I have had a new challenge to tackle: traveling with someone I’m falling deeply “in like” with… And so, I just wanted to share a few light bulb moments 💡💡💡 from my heart to yours.

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1. The trip becomes much less about the city and much more about the relationship.

Abandon the plan please.

When I solo travel (or go on a girl’s trip) I have a GD PLAN, k? Times to wake up, specific sandwiches to be consumed, and vistas to be seen. Why? Because I LOATHE ANYTHING “meh.” But when traveling with someone you're falling in like with… I honestly didn’t care if I had “the best” sandwich in Florence or a three-day old wrap from Pret a Manger. Rather than being a maniacal sightseer, I was experiencing and observing the relationship we were building together. The city kind of didn’t matter at all. Which coincidentally means I need to go back to Florence to find out what was actually happening…but there are worse things in life, no?

2. I am comically independent AND it’s not a threat to do something someone else wants to do.

I have taken every major trip for the past fifteen years alone, on my terms, spending my money, making EVERY SINGLE decision on my own. For the most part, I love this because it means I’ve never had to compromise. But it also means I have limited my possibilities to the things I already know about and am interested in.

I now see there is such expansiveness in being along for someone else’s ride. On this trip, my gentleman friend needed to take a business meeting to visit the sixth fastest super computer in Europe, Leonardo (nbd). Would I ever, of my own accord, wake up early in Florence to take an hourlong car ride to a data center where there were no cappuccinos, no great pieces of artwork, and MUCH worse, no Prada store? No reader, no I would not. But OMG, I GOT TO VISIT AND LEARN ABOUT A SUPER COMPUTER. HOW COOL! That is FOR SURE something I would not have done on my own and I’m so grateful for the new experience.

My preferences and independence are very important to me – and… I’m so glad my beau took me on an adventure I would have never thought of.

3. Losing your rituals for a minute is okay.

I am a master at keeping my rituals on the road. I have been journaling, meditating, and working out almost every day for like…fifteen years (and yes, I am bragging) REGARDLESS of travel, work, illness, etc. And so I went to Florence with THE BEST INTENTIONS and four workout outfits crammed into my bag to boot. And what happened? I only ended up working out one time, and I journaled ZERO times. Usually this would tweak me out with guilty thoughts of “All the things I should have done if I were a better/more organized/disciplined person,” but… it turns out I’m a lot more flexible than I think I am. My rituals have helped me become who I am and now that I’m on such solid ground, I don’t need them quite as much. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE them, but I don’t need them quite the same way. While I am totally okay with losing my rituals for this trip, I want to be mindful that I maintain “me” while becoming “we.”

4. Romantic travel is…SO MUCH CHEAPER.

JESUS! Splitting the bill on a hotel room is a REVELATION the likes of which I’ve never known before. I felt RICH, DRIPPING IN GOLD AND DIAMONDS WEALTHY, LIKE A MEDICI on this trip not having to shoulder everything alone! HALLELUJAH for splitting the extra portion of pasta 🍝💎💰

5. What I really want is someone who spoils me with attention.

The gentlemen in question “took” me on this trip and did spoil me with treats and experiences… but what really stuck out to me was how he would sit next to me when we ate, how he would idly rub my back as we waited in line for The David, how he always made sure I had coffee (two cappuccinos ordered to arrive the moment I wake up please and thank you), how he was never on his phone. Money comes and goes, and though I wouldn’t kick being spoiled out of bed (see above: love fashioning myself as a GD Medici), I am learning that the key to my heart, something more foundational, is finding a man who is willing to invest his time and energy into me.

6. Vacation sex is good.

I could get used to this.

I want to hear from you!

What have you learned from solo travel? What about from romantic travel? To me, they feel like two very different things. One an exploration into self and city and the other an exploration into compatibility and dynamics. ALSO: WHAT DO WE THINK OF FALLING IN LIKE?! I’m dying to hear from you!

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Preview of this week’s Glow Getters:

Paid subscribers on Sunday, will receive reflection questions to think, journal on, or talk to friends about, that investigate our evolutions. I’m calling it (drum roll please) “The Evolution Audit…” kind of rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it? It’s for those moments when you start one way “SOLO TRAVEL OR ELSE,” and end another, “Maybe being with a partner isn’t so bad?”

T$ Stamp of Approval:

My favorite summer travel book of all time is Kristin Newman’s What I was Doing While You Were Breeding. Here’s a little description: Not ready to settle down and in need of an escape from her fast-paced job as a sitcom writer, Kristin instead traveled the world, often alone, for several weeks each year. In addition to falling madly in love with the planet, Kristin fell for many attractive locals, men who could provide the emotional connection she wanted without costing her the freedom she desperately needed…

IT’S SO GOOD! My favorite phrase from it is “do the thing you're supposed to do in the place you're supposed to do it.”

Until next time, friends! Arrivederci.